Perhaps the last three years had been the darkest episode of Papa’s life. In April of 2010, on the day of my college graduation, Mama found out that Papa had been cheating on her. Yes, he gave in to temptation. He left our family to live with another woman. He found himself so drowned in debts. Friends and relatives condemned him.
I was so devastated there was even a time I wished that he were dead, so that all the pain that he caused would be undone.
But I continue to ask from God the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can.
We did everything we could to win Papa back. But after several failed attempts at convincing Papa to abandon the sinful life that he had fallen into, I told Mama that we should let him go.
Yet something was bothering me. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing Papa just like that. No matter what we all went through, in the end, he is still my father.
So I mustered enough courage and talked to my father. I told him all the things I wanted to tell him. I asked him all the questions I wanted to ask him. Why did he leave us? When is he coming home? I confronted him. I told him my plans. I told him that I longed for the day that he and Mama would be there when I’ll become a lawyer.
When our conversation was over, Papa hugged and kissed me. He never said sorry. But I knew that he was. And he promised that he would go home.
Papa fulfilled his promise. He did finally come home. At the time, there was still fear in Mama’s heart. What if he would leave us again?
But today Mama is not afraid anymore—Papa is home for good. On December 4, 2013, thirteen days before his birthday and twenty-one days before Christmas, Papa died. But I would like to think he just went ahead of us.
There is still sadness in our hearts. And I’ll probably cry whenever I remember Papa, who used to annoy me when he kept on asking the same questions over and over again; who used to make me laugh when he told me his jokes which he told a number of times.
To the people who stood by Papa through his ups and downs, thank you for not easily condemning him. Thank you for seeing the goodness in him. I still would like to think that Papa had been a good father, a good son, a good friend, a good brother, and a good son of God.
Pa, I promise I'll take good care of Mama. And I promise I'll be a lawyer by 2016, but I'm sorry if I cannot make it on time. I know you can wait a year or two.
Goodbye, Pa.
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